Am I helping them — or helping the addiction? Twelve honest questions.

1. 1.Have you given them cash in the last few months, even when you suspected where it might go?

   Yes No

2. 2.Have you paid a bill, a fine, or a debt of theirs so the consequence would go away?

   Yes No

3. 3.Have you called in sick for them, or told someone a story to cover for them?

   Yes No

4. 4.Have you cancelled your own plans to manage a crisis of theirs — more than once?

   Yes No

5. 5.Do you avoid bringing it up because keeping the peace feels safer than the fight?

   Yes No

6. 6.Have you pretended not to notice something because naming it felt too hard that day?

   Yes No

7. 7.Do you check their phone, room, money, or whereabouts to feel some control over it?

   Yes No

8. 8.Do you answer every call, at any hour, because “what if this is the one”?

   Yes No

9. 9.Have your own sleep, health, work, or friendships shrunk around their addiction?

   Yes No

10. 10.Is most of your day organized around watching, worrying about, or managing them?

    Yes No

11. 11.When something goes wrong for them, do you fix it before they can feel it?

    Yes No

12. 12.Have you dipped into savings — or borrowed — to quiet a crisis of theirs?

    Yes No

Answer all twelve to see the picture — there are no wrong answers here.